Character Building

Last night I walked over to the marina offices after dark, Christmas music playing on their muzak system wafting through the air. It was surreal, like something out of a depressing movie like Nick Cage’s “Leaving Las Vegas”, minus the 147 gallons of liquor . There are wreathes on the dock gates and the marina office door, but the hotel is pretty much deserted with only 2 or 3 rooms with lights on. Not a soul in sight. Yeah, it made me a little sad to be here by myself, but times like these, being alone, I’m OK with it and I know that having been alone so much of my adult life (while surrounded by tons of people) I feel like this sort of experience, not being afraid to be alone, is what has built much of my character. I finally feel like I really know myself now. It’s a good thing, knowing yourself well enough and being comfortable with your own company. But let me tell you… When I am confronted by human beings, I have really surprised myself with how nice I’ve become. As someone who takes great pride in being a Gen X cynic, being out of society’s grasp for these past 7 months I have allowed perfect strangers to engage me in conversations, and have gladly and enthusiastically lingered over a random chit chat with just about anyone who speaks to me. I am still not very good at starting a conversation with random strangers, but I certainly will say hello, good morning, etc., to anyone I see without being spoken to first. And I’ve also become more appreciative of people in general - and I genuinely take the time to speak without getting antsy like I’ve got someplace much more important to be than to chit chat with the likes of them. I am hopeful that when I re-enter the workforce I will be much more “present” with whomever I speak, and give them a lot more credit for taking the time to be pleasant - or even chatty. This slowing down, and this recognition of simple humanity - is probably the greatest gift I’ve received while taking time off from work. We just get so caught up in our day to day details of work that we truly become immune to the real meaning of “being” and I am so glad to have had the opportunity to REALLY experience it.