Birthday Wishes

A special shout out of thanks to Dad & Connie, Ele, Abby Fitz, Robin and Mom for my birthday cards and to Kathryn, Elizabeth, Debbie and Jon Tan for my facebook birthday greetings! I also had 2 cakes - which are most definitely NOT on my WW plan, but who am I to turn down BIRTHDAY CAKE. The first one was this adorable little number Gary picked up (note the candles):

The other was my FAVORITE birthday cake which is not a cake at all but a German Chocolate Pie with a meringue crust that Mom has made for me on numerous birthdays. Lucky me, she was here for my b-day and made one for the occasion. Delish!
Gary took me out on a date - we went to dinner at P.F. Chang’s and had all our old favorites: Chang’s Ribs, Chicken Lettuce Wraps, Mongolian Beef and Orange Chicken. I even indulged in 2 cocktails. Afterwards we went to see “Bolt” - the latest Disney animated film. Very cute! We happened to run into my old friend Cass and her family at the theater, and ended up sitting with them. SOOOOO good to go out - it’s been a really long time since we’ve actually been out on a real date.

Nevertheless, I am having a REALLY hard time coming to grips with being 37, although I’ve been thinking about the impending date for MONTHS. All 37 says to me is I’m three years from *gasp* 40. FORTY. As in “Lordy, Lordy - look who’s 40!“ I mean, I feel like I’m still 25. Well, OK, maybe 28. I guess that’s a good thing in the end, but it’s still BIZARRE. Back in the day I was always one of the youngest people on the management staff of the hotels where I worked, and I loved being the *little sister* to all those folks. Now I’m like one of the senior people (before I left anyway) and it’s a strange shift to get used to. I feel like I need to be doing SO MUCH MORE, and I feel like at this age I should be so much farther along in my career. It’s hanging over me like a 1,000 lb. weight on my shoulders.

I must admit that it’s acting as the catalyst for me to get back into the swing of things much sooner than I anticipated. I just don’t see how I can last another 6 months without “suiting up” and not going completely crazy. In fact, I was just thinking the other day, how I look darn good in a suit, and how I am starting to miss the glamorous hotel life in earnest, not just because I need the crutch, but because the reality is that‘s what I am through and through - a hotel girl. Besides, with the economy like it is, it’s probably going to take me 6 months to find the right position. My favorite astrologer Jon Cainer says it’s time for major life-change, so I guess my angst is right on time. I love how that works.

Thanksgiving Feast

After two full 8 hour days of cleaning and preparation for guests including 5 of 7 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, the living room, both our offices, the basement and both kitchens, we had a great crowd and tons of food for our Thanksgiving Feast. Unfortunately the pictures I took were a total afterthought - didn't have any good ones to post.

Mom & A.Vee came up from the beach, and Gary’s sister Tina and one of her sons, Bryce, drove down from Ohio and stayed with us too. Everyone converged on the house Wednesday afternoon. Mom and I prepped food well into the night.

On Thursday I roasted a 21lb. turkey using an old Martha Stewart recipe with apple cider and all kinds of fresh herbs effortlessly chopped in my trusty food processor (and made an outstanding gravy, the likes of which I‘ve never had so much success with!). I rented tables, chairs and linens so I wouldn’t have to deal with piece-mealing it all together, and set the table for 24 guests. I guess I’m getting pretty good at this - because everything was perfectly timed for 4:00 arrivals. Such a great feeling!

We had Gary’s girls, his Mom Joyce and her sister-in-law Aunt Libb, cousin Donnie & Holly and their beautiful little 10-month old Camryn, cousin Reba and her husband Doug, their daughters Elizabeth and Allison, Gary’s sis Tina and her sons Bryce and Philip, our friend and back-steps builder Martin and his wife Lori and their 2 little boys Jacob and Noah, and of course Mom & A.Vee and me. Exhausted by evening’s end, with a good crew we got the whole thing cleaned up by midnight! I slept til nearly noon on Friday and didn’t get out of my Pjs all day - LOVE that!

On being a joiner

In my quest to "be a joiner" as noted a few weeks ago, I decided to join Weight Watchers again, to get my life-long battle with my weight under control again. I've had success with WW's in the past. The first time I joined I was a junior in college. I had gone from being a very normal size 8 in high school (I've never been anything less than an 8, and I'm down-right skinny as an 8) - at approximately 120 lbs. - to approximately 170 pounds by my junior year in college. I love to eat, what can I say?

Living in France, with a baguette viennoise au chocolat , slathered with buerre and a cafe au lait - made with milk that makes American Whole Milk seem like Skim - every morning - was certainly the catalyst for my massive weight gain between high school and college. In fact, when I arrived back in Charlotte after my stint in Paris my own mother barely recognized me when she met me at the airport.

So by my junior year in college with a steady diet of pizza, muffins and cheese curds (a Wisconsin specialty - breaded, fried cheese that I preferred to dip in sour cream and ketchup) not to mention countless pitchers of beer and white zinfandel - I was in need of some help.

The WW meeting I joined in Madison met mid-morning and was made up of stay at home moms and older women. I found this group to be ideal - and the very first time I weighed in, the woman said, "That's the last time we'll see that number!" I was so inspired and dug right in to work off the weight. I don't remember what I got down to that time, but I do remember I looked and felt SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than I had in a WHILE, and I turned my determination into a little (secret) competition with all the SAHMs.

The next time I joined WW's was in Charlotte when I was about 28. Again, the weight had gradually come back and I looked to WW's to help me again. At 28, I was living like a rock star and eating and drinking entirely too much, but this particular group leader did not inspire me much, so I turned to my all-time favorite wonder drug "Diet Fuel" - which is no longer on the market due to its ephedra content. All I can say is Diet Fuel ROCKED. Oh how I wish I could get my hands on some of that now!! I got down 20-30 lbs. and looked/felt the best I EVER had, or have since. Yet I continued to live like even more of a rock star, so I'll give you two guesses as to what happened over the next 4 years?

The next time I joined WW's was in Baltimore, approx 2003. I went with my (then) Pastry Chef from the hotel who needed to lose at least 100 lbs. I needed to lose about 40 at the time. I went for a few weeks, but again, did not find the leader to be all that great so I dropped out, and gained another 10 lbs. to add to my misery.

The next time I joined WW's was when I first got back to Charlotte in 2004. Again, sucky leader, dropped out. 2 years ago I started going to a shady bariatric clinic where I could get a prescription for phentermine. It took about a year, but gradually I lost 40 lbs and looked and felt great again. But it only took about 6 months after quitting taking the drug for the weight to come back in spades.

So fast forward to Wednesday this week. There is a WW Center very near the house in Charlotte, and I went to the 10am meeting. I was happy to see all the SAHMs in the room, mentally sizing up the competition (the only way I can do this I think) and as I was filling out my paperwork, the receptionist said the leader, Julia, was really good. So I am optimistic that this will be a good fit. I "officially" started my program today - since Wednesday and Thursday I was at my sister's and hadn't had time to grocery shop or put together a game plan.

I have my game plan now, and I've done great today. It reminds me of when I was starting out with my massive savings plan for taking my year off. I had this highly detailed spread sheet that kept track of every cent that came into my hands. All that year that I was saving, I had a little post-it note on my computer screen at work that said, "The difference between a goal and a dream is a plan." Not only do I want to stick with this until I've lost all this damned weight, I really, REALLY need to make it my life so 4-5 years from now I won't be writing "the next time I joined..." ever again. Yay-me!

Finn Turns One

The highlight of my so-far not so good November was going to see my nephew Finn for his First Birthday, and to see his Mommy & Daddy, Ele and Will, and also Granmommy Fran.


He remains the cutest little boy on the planet, and the sweetest little thing ever.

Mom came up from the beach and I arrived from Charlotte. Ele prepared a delicious meatloaf topped with a sweet cranberry sauce for dinner. We didn't manage to open his birthday presents on his actual birthday, instead waiting for the following day when he wasn't too sleepy.

Unfortunately, overnight Ele started feeling REALLY bad, catching the cold her little critter has had for the past several days. But we managed to have a nice visit, and Mom and I got lots of Finn time.

It's still... Gatlinburg

Last weekend Gary and I accompanied his 15 year-old daughter Lydia to a cheerleading competition in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. After asking me 10 times "if I was sure I wanted to go" - I answered 10 times - yes. Note to self: the next time someone asks me anything 10 times, it should be viewed as a BIG RED FLAG. To put it mildly, I should have stayed home. But no, not me. I'm always the adventurer, always trying to be agreeable, inclusive, and trying to please. Oy.

I'd like to say I made the best of a pretty crappy weekend, but the truth is I pretty much made the worst of a crappy weekend and ended up in a HUGE downward spiral no matter what I tried.

I've never liked Gatlinburg. Add to that some major boyfriend drama (trauma) and you get a big, cold, wet blanket of blah with a side order of cheese. It was a stretch, but I did manage to find a few things to occupy my brain while in this Myrtle Beach-of-the-Mountains-wannabe. I took refuge in this place while a cold drizzle came down:

It's an indoor jungle-golf place with an open store front off the street. I thought, despite itself, it was kinda cool. I mean, if you like things like that. ; )

And this - I just had to take a picture because it's representative of the touristy stuff to do in Gatlinburg. Another open store front off the street thing -

It's an Earthquake Ride. Basically it's a simulator and you pay $12 to sit there to be shaken up as if you were in a real earthquake. There were numerous "rides" like this throughout the main strip. I guess if you could buy one pass to ride all of them it would be (and I use this term loosely) fun. But $12 a pop - definitely not worth it. They have all the Ripley's Believe It Or Not museums and an exact replica of the Myrtle Beach Ripley Aquarium. We've been to that one, and I for one loved it, so I didn't feel compelled to go to this one too. The other similarity to MB is all the haunted houses. Right next to our hotel was a place called "Mystery Mansion" - and we actually gave it a look-see but then decided not to partake. I liked their weather vein though:

One thing I do like to do when visiting a place is to check out the local art. Not the tourist junk made in China (although I'm not 100% innocent of buying this) I wandered into a gallery while another burst of cold rain passed. I liked the style of the photographer very much and after talking with him at some length, ended up buying a beautiful picture framed in aged "barn wood" at a reasonable price. I haven't unboxed it yet, but it will be a nice accent piece, especially for fall.

I also bought Finn some cute socks from a shop that only sells socks, and I bought a funny T-shirt for myself - a spoof of the "Life is Good" brand. It's a stick figure wielding a single paddle and says "Shit Creek Survivor". I found it to be oddly inspirational, especially given the mood I was in all weekend.

Gary and I managed to do the one thing I wanted to do while we were there. We rode the Skylift up the side of a mountain.

On the way up we saw a small deer nibbling leaves and wondered how the heck he a) got up there and b) how he was standing as sure-footed as he was on this massive incline.

At the top we asked someone to take the one picture of us that was taken all weekend. It's remarkably cute, given that we barely said a word to each other on the way up.

A Foil Hat

After my dubious experience at the Aveda Institute a few weeks ago to get my nails and toes done, I decided I’d go the opposite extreme and visit one of the highest of the high end salons in Charlotte to get my hair back in shape. It’s been 5 months since my last cut and color, and while it still looked fine mostly, I thought it would be a nice picker-upper.

Let me just say that normally, this is one of my most cherished splurges. I love love love sitting in a chair in a good salon being fussed over by pretty girls offering wine or hot tea, having my hair washed by someone else with intensely aromatic shampoo and conditioner, then being able to read an entire issue of Vogue or some other high brow fashion and beauty mag. It’s an ego thing - I’m sure of it.

And this time was no different, the time and money at the salon was well spent - that day - but since I’ve had 2 weeks to get used to the results, I am less than thrilled with my all-over tri-colored highlights and my cut that doesn‘t look any different from how I walked through the door except now my hair doesn‘t frame my face as well as it did prior to the cut. I wish they could bottle the experience, so whenever I needed a pick-me-up I could spread it out a little more.

Thoroughly Uninspired

For the past 2 weeks, give or take, I have found myself with a raging case of writers block. Add to that a rough bought with my monthly tormenter PMDD, a condition similar to PMS but much, much worse, and you’ve got yourself a bona fide case of the blues. As I’ve noted to a few people before, rest assured something’s up with me if I let more than a couple days go by without posting.

I’m trying to shake it. I’m having some success at that, but I go through these phases where everything is right in the world, or where everything is wrong in the world. Let’s just say that for the past couple weeks, I’ve been experiencing the latter.

I feel it’s important for me to acknowledge when this happens, because when you read the blog of someone you may or may not know, generally it’s just a tiny snapshot of that person’s life, but can come across as perfect perfect perfect all the time, and that is definitely not the case with me. I do try to put a happy spin on most posts - which is one of my strategies for getting over a funk, since posting on my blog has become one of my most favorite activities. It’s a way for me to get lost in something, and take my focus off other, less happy things I may be experiencing at the time.

I read something today about meditation, and how, through meditation we learn that we are not our thoughts - which is a good thing if you can calm the mind enough to actually meditate. The author drew a comparison of the human mind “to a supercomputer possessed by the soul of a demented squirrel, constantly calculating, anticipating, remembering, fantasizing, worrying, hoarding, bouncing frenetically from one thought to the next.” That is so me right now.

But the Earth has not stopped spinning, and life goes on every day. It’s not like I haven’t been able to get out of bed, although the thought has certainly crossed my mind (repeatedly) in the past 2 weeks. I spent a boat load of cash on getting my hair cut and colored, I went to Gatlinburg, I joined Weight Watchers again, and my nephew Finn turned one. I have a little catching up to do, so here it comes.

Happy Birthday Kari!

You Say It's Your Birthday?!?



Duh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nah-na-na
(yes that's me with the short, bright red hair! Circa 1992)



Well it's my birthday too!!!!
(That's us in Bergen, Norway, having a picnic on the dock next to a large fishing boat, where we enjoyed freshly caught shrimp - boiled on board, with bread we got from a nearby bakery - June 1994)


(This is us dressed as a 2-headed ghost for Halloween in Madison)

Meet Kari - my roommate and best friend from college. Kari Louise Weider Brende is from Norway and today is her birthday. No doubt she's celebrated in some perfectly European way - with tea and cake and maybe some wine or champagne. She has probably spent the day with her husband Bjarne and son Nickolai. Maybe even with her brother Brede (who, back in the day, I had a HUGE crush on), her cousin Silje (who looks exactly like Jennifer what's-her-name - the wife of Ben Afleck) and her family, along with her Mom and Dad - Brit & Halvor.

They may have even eaten Moose Tenderloin for dinner tonight. I had moose tenderloin with them one night for dinner while visiting - a long time ago. With all the talk about Moose hunting in the headlines these days, I had to laugh - because Kari's Dad hunts moose (one per year, maybe), and they butcher it up and serve it in many different ways. In addition to Moose Tenderloin, I've also had moose pizza, and moose burgers if I remember correctly.

Kari and I met during my sophomore year at UW-Madison. We were living in a private dorm called the Regent. We both ended up being placed with roommates we didn't know, who also happened to be the most undesireable people in the entire building, and that building was HUGE. It housed probably 1000 students or more.

Kari and I would seek refuge from our respective bizarre and horrid roommates in the public TV room located on the first floor of the Regent. We would sit in the dark, smoke cigarettes, and watch Star Trek just about every night, the same place where I met the majority of my closest friends in college - including Mark and Felix from Singapore, Tom from Wausau (by way of Kenya) and Amar from who-knows-where (he was entertaining, but a perpetual liar) - by way of Pakistan. Quickly we learned that we had a lot in common, and we were very compatible as friends. We started hanging out regularly - mostly at a bar just down from the Regent called the Regent Street Retreat (where I would drink *shudder* glass after glass of White Zinfandel whilst the rest of the bar was slogging down pitchers of beer). We ended up as roommates the next year, living on Johnson Street until graduation.

We had the BEST apartment - great location, one of the only apartment complexes on (near) campus with a swimming pool which I went swimming in exactly ONCE, despite being on the ground floor and literally steps away from it. The furnishings in our apartment included a stolen sofa and a card table we used for a dining table.

We went out - A LOT. We drank - A LOT. Somehow we managed to get to class AND make decent grades and graduate. Kari was the first person I knew to have a laptop. Every so often we would go out for a really nice dinner at a great restaurant - something we both enjoyed immensely - and something that, at the time, most college kids didn't do.

I learned some VERY BASIC Norwegian just from hearing her talk on the phone. I remembered our phone number in Norwegian, not English, and I had a little repertoire of Norwegian pick up lines, and I could order coffee (with cream and sugar) and a light beer with the best of 'em.

Of all the roommates I've had over the years, Kari was absolutely the BEST roommate EVER. We got along so great - and we did so much stuff together. We were both so far from home, so it was nice to have someone looking out for you, and someone to look out for in return.

While we were at UW, Kari's brother was going to school at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis - about 6 hours away, and her cousin Silje was at the University of Colorado - Boulder - about 3 hours away by plane. Both of them came to see us a couple of times, and I got to spend time with them in Norway when I visited there. They are both lovely, fun people and I always felt like they (including Kari, of course) were like family.

There are so many stories to tell from college that include Kari, I could go on for HOURS about all sorts of craziness and fun we had. But I'll spare the details. Suffice to say that without her friendship I seriously doubt I would have stayed at UW-Madison all 4 years and graduated from there. I can't say enough about how much of an impact Kari has had on my life. Together we left home about the same time, travelling so far on our own. We couldn't "go home for the weekend" like most college kids do - niether could the vast majority of our friends. Even though I was from the States, it was still like I was a foreighn student, just like everyone else in our circle of friends. Our own little netowrk of GDI's.

About 4 years ago we met up in DC for a long weekend, but before that I hadn't seen her since her wedding in Oslo. We spent the day at the hairdresser, sipping Champagne before the wedding. The reception was held at a sort of grand lodge kind of place on the side of a mountain. We were transported via motorcoach after the wedding at her family church. The costume she's wearing in the picture above is her traditional Norwegian dress (and jewelry), representative of her region in Norway. Most of the women of Norway have one, but they vary in design depending on where you're from. A lot of the women who attended her wedding wore theirs, and a few men (including Kari's brother in the picture here, with me and Thorstein - Silje's [now] husband) wore the traditional male version of this - which is reminiscent of German leider-husen.




For the wedding Kari wore a beautiful white gown with a fur lined cape, and I believe she may have also had a muff to keep her hands warm. The wedding was in October, and there were light snow fluries that evening. I, for one, had a wonderful time at the wedding - singing and dancing to traditional Norwegian music and enjoying the company of her family and friends, ALL of whom spoke fluent English.


Kari & Bjarne were married in October of 2000. This is their boy, Nickolai - is he not the cutest, most perfect little Scandanavian?!? I've never met him - but I'm sure he's as adorable and precious as his mor and far.

One of the most fond memories I have about Kari is we'd say good-night before bed, every night. I don't know exactly why that made such an impression on me. Maybe we were such good friends because we were so polite to each other - a quality she DEFINITLY taught me, rather than the other way around. But I am so grateful to have had the chance to enjoy a smidgen of European lifestyle - even if it was in the most unlikely locale - the Mid-West of the US. And I'm so grateful to have had the chance to travel to Norway twice, one of the most beautiful places on Earth. Happy Birthday to my dear Kari-Pusse!

Crazy Cat Lady, Part II

Did I just say I don't want to be the Crazy Cat Lady?! Here's a clip of our Kitty - who's proper name is Killer. And here's why.

Cat & Mouse: Why She's Called Killer

Crazy Cat Lady

It's officially 6 months since the day I left the rat race. I'm consumed by thoughts of "where am I?" and "what's next?" - it's been going on for the past month or so. I'd given myself permission to be free of such thoughts for the first 6 months. Futile really. They haven't stopped - the "what's next?" is always lurking somewhere in my mind.

I have lots of things I would like to do next. But I also have lots of things I don't want to do next. Those are a little easier to put into words, so I'll give it a go:
I do not want to work in an office, 10 hours a day -- plus another 2 hours of getting ready and commuting each way.
I do not want to do just one thing.
I do not want to stay up til 2AM every night.
But most important, I don't want to be the Crazy Cat Lady.

Case in point, today I bought a bottle of Cat Shampoo. I feel I am one feline beauty product away from becoming the Crazy Cat Lady - with visions of sudsing Kitty up, giving her a little mohawk, and rinsing her off with a plastic cup - of course with garden gloves on - so as not to get maimed when she realizes she's getting a bath. (Thanks Abby Fitz for the grooming tips!). In fact, Kitty just up-chucked her dinner - part of being preggers I think - and I didn't even flinch while cleaning it up.

As I take stock of what I've done during the first 6 months of my year off, it boils down to some pretty basic stuff. I have slept more in the past 6 months than I have in the past 15 years. My mother is convinced that her side of the family has a mutant "sleeping gene" - one that requires its carriers many more ZZZ's than most. She, my aunt and 2 cousins have actually been diagnosed with varying degrees of Narcolepsy. I wouldn't doubt that I have it too - the kind that causes staggering lethargy in the morning and in the afternoon - but lets up around 10PM when we get a huge boost of energy. It doesn't relent until about 3am. That's why, when I go to bed at 2AM, I'm still not falling right to sleep within 5 minutes as I used to before I left work. I have decided that my insatiable need for sleep was the reason I would practically sleep walk into the shower every morning and drive into work in a hazy trance, and wasn't really, fully awake until about 10am - where I'd find myself sitting at my desk going, "how did I get here??". (Not really, it wasn't THAT bad, but close enough).

I am convinced my body is just not designed to get up at 7am and absolutely cannot survive on 5-7 hours of sleep like I used to. I can easily recall the feeling of complete and total exhaustion I felt just about every night when I walked in the door after work. I do think that I have reached a saturation point, now that I have slept away the past 6 months. I don't need a cup of coffee to get going in the morning, instead I can leap right into whatever I plan to do for the day. That's a great feeling. Generally I DO have a cup though, because I like that I have the time to sit and sip and ponder the mid-morning sun. It's quite a luxury. I know.

Something else that I have realized is - I like to exercise now, because I have found a way to like it. Instead of forcing myself into untold hours of treadmill walking, followed by the subsequent hip, lower back and knee pain I suffer from after being too hard on my joints and whatnot - I have found a way to get the exercise in, enjoy it, and just plain be done with it -. It's allowing me to work out more consistently than I ever have.

I learned this technique from my life design guru Martha Beck. She recommends breaking up difficult, mind numbing tasks into small, manageable bites. For example - I DREADED the thought of 30-45 minutes on the treadmill - even when reading a good book. So much so that I simply STOPPED exercising because I dreaded that half-hour SO MUCH. I know. What good does that do? Nothing. So now I've whittled the time down to 15 minutes. I tell myself, if I can't give 15 minutes to the treadmill, then, well, that's just absurd. And lazy. And another excuse. Besides, what else have I got to do? So I do my 15 minutes EVERY DAY (which is killing 2 birds with one stone b/c I can read on the treadmill - currently Photoshop Elements 5 - The Missing Manual), followed by sitting on the stationary bike to stretch out my legs - simultaneously reading 2-4 pages of whatever happens to be on the bike's book stand - currently a Sweet Valley Middle School novel left there by 8 year old Alex (a guilty pleasure - I love the wisdom in teen books and movies). Then I hop over to the "home gym" for some weight training and 3 sets on the rowing machine. It's not much but its manageable and it's a heck of a lot more than nothing. I have freed up the part of my brain that was constantly zeroed in on figuring out new ways of blackmail, hitting new depths of self-criticism, and untold amounts of torture - that are now absent because I've actually found a way to get it in - every day. That's HUGE.

I've also been pretty good at cooking / eating at home instead of spending money on eating out. Not to mention the savings on gargantuan fat and calorie counts. Before I left work we would order some kind of take-out probably 5 nights a week. Now we're down to 1, maybe 2 times per week - as a treat. I love making dinner. I get to experiment with lots of things (poor Gary) but they usually turn out pretty good. While I don't set out to the grocery store with a menu for the week (like my mom, like Gary's mom and most other people's moms did) - I just buy what looks good to me, THEN I come home and write out menus and post them on the fridge, based on what I've brought home from the store. That way I can keep stock of the inventory in the fridge and freezer and come up with great meals every night without having to pre-think them before hand. A lot of days I have to pick up one or two things at the grocery store in between major shopping trips, but that's not a big deal to me. I love the grocery store.

Sleeping, exercising, eating. The extent of how I've spent this precious time? Not entirely. But I look at it this way - I've nailed the basics... but now I do need to branch out a bit more, and get down to the business of REALLY REALLY figuring out "what's next". Last night Gary and I were talking about baby steps I could (should) do - just to get away from the house a little more. The thing is, I protested. I really - REALLY - like being at the house all day. There's so much to do here, and the surroundings are so serene. And I email with friends on fairly regular basis, I talk to friends on the phone, and then there's NPR and all that brilliant talk all day long. Who's lonely? Not me. I enjoy the solitude so much. True, yesterday I REALLY wanted to be out and about and go have a coffee with a friend or something - and yet I found myself with nobody to play with - so I went to Target instead. I don't see this as a huge deal, but I also don't see when I turn from meager to monster when it's PMS time, either. So with Gary's gentle nudging, I decided I'd look into some "groups" I may join. I read something somewhere a long time ago that the key to networking is to "be a joiner".

He suggested that I might find some new friends "at the gym" - or find a coffee clutch or something. The thought turned my stomach because the reality is, there aren't a whole lot of people my age who are just "not working", with the exception of the SAHM set (that's the "stay-at-home-mom" set) - with no offense to my friends with kids intended whatsoever - that's the last group of people I want to hang out with. It's just not "where I am" AT ALL - and I can't relate to them for more than a couple minutes at most. So today I checked out another yoga studio - which has been on the top of my list from the get-go although I've only been to one private session at the beach and it was HARD. I also looked into a writers' group that I may join - which may be the inspiration I need to get going on that book I've been talking about. We'll see, but it's a start.

I'm also working towards completing a couple of projects around the house. Besides the general upkeep that takes HOURS because the house is so big and so easy to mess up - I want to paint the front foyer and finish the kitchen curtains I've been working on for months.

I also want to find a permanent (but less than full-time) teaching position with a Hospitality program at Johnson & Wales or even CPCC. I LOVE teaching - and teaching Hotel stuff is so easy for me because I know it so well.

And of course, as Gary pointed out, he has a list as long as his right arm of marketing things I could be doing for him. And I love doing the design work.

I want to travel too. This has been the longest stretch of not staying in a hotel room that I've ever been through.

Unfortunately my DREAM JOB is pretty much out of the question at this point. What's my dream job? To be the Social Secretary to the First Lady - like one of my heroes - Leticia Baldridge - who was the social secretary to Jacqueline Kennedy. For obvious reasons, I can't just pick up and move to DC. But Gary said if I got the position, he'd move. Woot!

The problem is I have so many things I want to do, I've reverted back to my old trick of paralysis by analysis. And I also frequently defer to my old friend "if only I'd done it different in the firs place" - like - if I'd majored in something better in college (than economics). Like Jourmalism, or Communications, or Graphic Design, or English, or if I'd gone to Culinary School like I wanted to oh so long ago, or even Film School. But I can't go back to that.

The weird part is, by now you'd think I was so bored out of my skull I'd happily bounce back into office life, but I couldn't be further from it. I love living the life I have right now, I just need to find a way to take it to the next level. I'll be 37 years old in three weeks. I'm so focused on how OLD I am, how close I am to *gasp* 40. Yet where am I? Sitting in my pj's sipping coffee on the back porch at 10:30 in the morning? To some, the life of luxury. To others, living like a slave to mediocrity.

I'm consumed with a thought - is this it? Is this all I have to offer? The culmination of 6 months of taking it easy - sleeping, eating, exercising and playing house? But then I think, yes - this IS it. This is EXACTLY what I dreamed of last year whenever I pictured what I wanted my year off to be like. But I still beat myself up every day, trying to fill the hours with something productive. Trying to find meaning in everything I do.

Quickly the reality starts to set in, though, and I know my funding will come to an end eventually. At the end of the next 6 months, I don't want to feel like I've wasted it, blown my chance at finding freedom - only to be forced back into the rat race because I haven't come up with anything better, haven't pushed myself harder. It's difficult to not feel this way, but it's also difficult reaching beyond the comfort zone. I feel something is on the horizon, I just can't put my finger on it. It's like - I KNOW how to push myself, but I don't want to push too hard in any direction, only to find that it's the wrong direction and I've wasted even more time. Is that the fear of failure, or the fear of success? To ends of one harsh spectrum.

I'd love a shout out from anyone who can offer some advice, encouragement or a swift kick in the behind - whatever you think I need after reading my 6 month manifesto.

Yes We Can!

Last night while most people were probably watching the election returns on CNN or one of the major networks, we were watching the Jon Stewart & Stephen Colbert Election Night Special on Comedy Central. Just after 11:00 PM, history was made. They made the announcement that Obama had reached the 270 electoral votes needed to win. They brought their whole reporting team on stage while we wondered if it was just another "stunt" - or if it was real. Colbert put on blackout goggles and ear phones in a display of comedic denial, but the fact was undeniable.



Well, not quite undeniable enough - I have to say that I turned it to another network to verify. I mean, you never know with those guys.

Shortly afterwards John McCain came on live from the Biltmore Hotel in Phoenix to give his concession speech. He was gracious and admirable, with commentators saying the McCain giving that speech was the McCain that people liked so much, and the one who won the hearts of millions in 2000.

Cindy McCain looked far more distraught that he did, with a stoic face, holding her hands in front of her. Palin's eyes glistened a little - she looked removed up there to me, standing several feet away from McCain, with little affection shown towards him with her body language (great blue suit she was wearing, btw). She showed almost as little affection as Cindy had for the man - or maybe it was the other way around. He patted both his women on the arm in a half hand shake, half hug attempt. Makes you wonder, what did they do after that? Did they go up to the suite with their top staffers, advisers and immediate family and have martinis? Or did they all just part ways, wash their faces, put on their pajamas, take a percoset (not intended to be a cheap shot - if anyone needed a percoset I'm sure that was the night for it) and lay down in bed with few words?



In Chicago it was a different story. Over a hundred thousand packed Grant Park to see President-Elect Barack Obama and the First-Family-Elect Michelle, Malia and Sasha take the stage about midnight (11 Central) to mark the moment. Looking out in the crowd, cameras revealed young and old, black and white and all shades in between. I was moved to see Jesse Jackson visibly crying, and Oprah Winfrey standing in the crowd among the masses. (On second thought, I'm sure she was in a VIP section). The crowd was so invigorated, so jubilant, so proud. I sat there and watched every minute of it, and was moved to tears myself as the historic night came to a close. I even looked up Martin Luther King's "I Have A Dream" speech and read it for some perspective.

It was only 46 years ago that Dr. King delivered that speech from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. To read the entire speech, unlike listening to the audio, you get a different perspective on what the situation must have been like for blacks at that time. When you take away the preacher's resonant, emotive voice, you get a clear picture of how unfair life was back then, dismissed by the privileged. No wonder you heard over and over today how many people had never voted in their entire lives. They've never felt like they were a part of the whole. To think - we're talking 100 years AFTER the civil war, when Dr. King and the civil rights movement came to the forefront of consciousness in the US. Even after getting the right to vote, it still took another 50 years - give or take - for people to feel they mattered enough to exercise that right. That alone should be reason enough for every citizen to vote on election day. To make excuses like - I just didn't have time - or - my vote doesn't make a difference - it's ludicrous to not exercise the right to vote. Just imagine what it would be like to have that right revoked?!



Today on talk radio and talk tv everyone was telling their story - how most people "never thought they'd live to see the day..." - the reality is that Obama won because people want someone in the White House who's positive, rational, and will be a catalyst for the change we need. He inspires something in people that most politicians don't - he inspires people to be the best they can be. Personally, I can feel it in myself already.

Good advice any day...

I read my horoscope *just about* every day, mostly out of habit. I have 2 main sources - Bridgett Walther, formerly Astro Abby (wonder why I started reading her?) and the venerable astrologer Jonathan Cainer in the UK. I've read these two for years. An excerpt from Bridgett's horoscope for Sagittarius on 11/6:

"Just keep your voice down, mind your manners, obey safety rules, and everything should be okay." ...She also warns it's not a day for stilettos. : )

Daily Chuck

Just about every day I read a series of blogs. One of my favorites is Dooce, by Heather Armstrong. She's won all kinds of awards for her blog since its inception several years ago, which is how I found out about it.

Heather is a supremely talented writer and photographer. I feel like I know her, and we're good friends. That's what happens when you read someone's blog everyday. We have a lot in common - how we see the world and whatnot.

Anyhow, every day she takes a picture of one or both of her dogs - Chuck and Coco. This is not the meat of her blog posts, it's more like the after-dinner mint. Most of the Daily Chuck pictures show him balancing a totally random object on his head with stoic concentration and restraint. He's such a great dog. I especially liked today's Daily Chuck. Behold:

Fall is in the air!

These photos brought to you today by another leisurly stroll around the yard today.

It's finally here! Election Day 2008

I can't imagine how the candidates feel right now. It must be a combination of complete and total obliterating exhaustion combined with an adrenaline overload and "runner's high". Finally, at last, the finish line is within reach. Who will take top honors? We just have to wait now.

Honestly, I dread seeing McCain's concession speech. For weeks, it's almost like you can hear him saying "I just want this to be over with". I think about the stamina he's maintained and I think about my parents and know how hard it would be for them to keep the frenetic pace for a week, much less 12, 18 months. And McCain's older than all 4 of them. He even said himself over the weekend on Saturday Night Live that if his charm doesn't work on the undecideds, he would resort to the "Sad Grampa" tactic. Sure, he was just kidding (wink-wink).

And then there's Hillary. I watched the video of her after casting her ballot this morning in Chappaqua, NY. Boy she's stood strong, hasn't she? Continuing to be gracious and supportive of the Obama campaign, although I must say there seems to be a conspicuous absence of genuine enthusiasm, that certain twinkle in her eye has gone missing whenever she talks about looking forward to working with [President] Obama in the coming years. Who could blame her, really? She's got her big girl panties on and she's doing what's "right" for the party. Don't you know she'll have a great memoir coming out about 25 years from now when she's an old lady? About how she was elbowed out of the election by the DNC and the media back in 2008. And how she clinched the Presidency in 2016, making history as the first woman President, after all.

If I could say one thing to the politicians, TV stations and the internet, it would be this:

Please - for all our sake - after tonight, let's take a break. OK? This campaign season has been grueling. Not only the length of the "season" (2 years?) but the ferocity with which it has been fought. Not just by the presidential candidates, but the senatorial races (Dole - Hagan has been especially ugly) and the gubernatorial (McCrory - Perdue has been about the "Great State of Mecklenburg" since day 1) race too. Oy. Let's all take one collective deep breath and go have that beer you were talking about 6 months ago.

One of the most important lessons I learned in the early days of my hotel career was that after a long, bad day - if you can't put things aside and go out for a beer with the person/people who made your life a living hell that day, then you have no business being in the hotel world. I think the same should go for politics.

I'll leave you to enjoy this popular tribute to the past 2 years: