Give A Little

This afternoon I made a grocery store run for a few items I wanted for dinner. For the past couple of weeks, each time I've been to the store the same man has been standing outside ringing the Salvation Army bell and standing next to the familiar red pot. Each time I go, I make sure I have a handful of loose change so as I pass by I can greet him and put my coins - clink clink clink - in the pot. He shows sincere appreciation each time. I don't know if he recognizes me, but I've been to the store a bit more than usual in the past few weeks and I definitely recognize him.

Something unsettling happens to me when I make this small gesture. If not kept in check, I would haul off and bear hug this guy, then tearfully walk into the store and do my shopping, sobbing. Fortunately I keep it together by holding my breath and calming myself down by thanking God for everything I have and for feeling so abundantly fortunate, despite all the downs (as in - ups and downs) going on these days.

I'm pretty sure there is also a guilt component to this overwhelming emotional response I have, too. Here's this poor guy standing out in the cold or the rain ringing his bell all day long as far as I know, and I'm heading in to buy whatever amount of food I please off shelves that are fully stocked, whereupon I will take it all home and unload it on my granite counter tops and find spaces for it in our bulging fridge and cabinets. Then I will prepare this food using my expensive cookware, and eat it unceremoniously in front of the TV, without giving Thanks for a single bite of it, meanwhile there are plenty of people who will go to sleep on sidewalks and under bridges tonight IN CHARLOTTE and around the world, hungry.

I wouldn't have imagined that a few bucks in spare change slipped into a red iron pot could elicit such a huge sense of guilt and gratitude in me at the same time?

For the past few Christmases I've made donations to local and international non-profits "in honor" of a few people I would have ordinarily "bought" a present for. I've decided that I will be stepping up that effort quite a bit this year. I'm going to do this mainly because so many more people are in need this year than in the recent past, meanwhile I have just about everything I could possibly need, and then some.