A lipstick brush and awakening my life's purpose, one stop shopping at Target

For months, I have been really thrifty while building the nest egg that would allow me to take a year off. "Hell yeah this outfit's from Target!" I'd think with a mix of pride and embarrassment when people would compliment a new outfit I was wearing.

With few exceptions, I avoided going to the mall unless I was absolutely on the verge of a breakdown and retail therapy was the only cure. At these exceptional times of weakness I'd find myself drawn to smartly dressed mannequins. I would approach and inconspicuously graze the expensive fabrics with the back of my hand, and admire the perfect hem stitches on these fine garments. I'd imagine myself (OK, the 5' 11" size 2 version of me with a sweet boob job and long, sinewy legs) wearing these clothes with a confident gait fit for a catwalk, exuding a smug, elitist and powerful aura with beautiful people double-taking me in as I'd purse my shiny lips into a disapproving sneer... then I'd snap out of it and move on, reminding myself that I was just Presbyterian Shopping.

A few years ago I was at the mall with one of my friends and her Mom. Of particular importance here is to note that my friend and her Mom are Jewish. My friend's Mom picked up a very beautiful and expensive Kate Spade bag which, at around $500, she could certainly afford if she wanted to and undoubtedly had numerous bags like it. Seriously considering it, she put it up on her shoulder, stuck out her hip, twirled around for approval, which she indeed got. To my surprise though, she put it down and said, "I'm just Presbyterian Shopping." She didn't say it in a snide or sarcastic way, in fact she said it in a reverent tone somewhere between wistful and wise. I said to her, "..I'm Presbyterian, but I don't know what Presbyterian Shopping is...?" She said, slightly embarrassed, that Presbyterian Shopping is finding something you'd LOVE to have but in the end you come up with a hundred excuses why you shouldn't buy it, don't need it, etc. and simply walk away from it.

Even then, back in the day when I wouldn't bat an eyelash at $120 for a cut, color and highlights followed by $100 for drinks and dinner, I realized that I actually "Presbyterian shop" A LOT, and I still do. I don't know if this is more from lower than average self-esteem or growing up with Presbyterian parents who can stretch a dollar like nobody's business, but I've always subscribed to the belief that shopping lists save tons of money and $500 on a PURSE is just, well, obscene -- for me anyway.

Over the last year I have been completely obsessed with a spread sheet I created to track the building of my nest egg. Every other Thursday when my directly deposited paycheck would hit my bank account, I would pour over the figures on this spread sheet and allocate money to my different funds: current bills and living expenses, future fixed bills fund, future living expenses fund, and my one credit card, which I would pay off in its entirety each month. It was astounding to watch the money grow in my accounts, and each time I hit a major milestone towards meeting my goal I would practically skip up and down the hallway at work, beaming. I felt a HUGE sense of accomplishment, as well as an unparalleled sense of security from that nest egg that I've never, ever felt before.

Fast forward to now, and I'm officially "off". When you divide this set amount of money sitting in my bank account by 365 days (actually 357 days, as of today) I have a certain amount of money that I know I can spend every day, if I want to, which is WELL ABOVE -- I mean -- almost quadruple -- what I've given myself to live on, on a daily / weekly basis for the past year. This new financial freedom, compared to a year ago, clearly is allowing me to be a bit more relaxed with my spending than I've been accustomed to for the past year. Of course I realize that once it's gone, it's gone and I'm sure as I approach the half-way mark I'll start to flip out. But the novelty still exists and I'm enjoying it very much. Alot like how much I'm sleeping -- the novelty of not having to be anywhere allows for a certain amount of laziness which I'm sure will soon wear off, but I'm going to revel in it for now.

Prime example: Today I went to Target with a short list: a lip brush (so I can use the remaining 1/2 inch of $18 Clinique Lipstick still in the tube - see - still a frugal purchase), mouthwash - which I can hardly live without that dentist-clean feeling of mouth rinse followed by a good scrubbing with an electric toothbrush, a metal cuticle tool so I can do a more professional job on my nails and not have to pay for manicures (again, still frugal), a book that my friend Tina G. recommended that I MUST READ RIGHT NOW! called "A New Earth: Awakening Your Life's Purpose" by Eckhart Tolle.



It's about "how to transcend our ego-based state of consciousness which is not only essential to personal happiness, but also the key to ending conflict and suffering throughout the world." - and it was 20% off the publisher's list price AND I might end up saving the world after my year off -- an excellent investment for sure!

That was all I had on my list, but I deviated from my don't buy-if-it's-not-on-the-list practice and also bought a couple more tank tops ($9.00 each) and some Lean Cuisine dinners so I don't have to cook anymore this week. I looked for the DVD collection from the TV series "Lost" because I watched a few minutes of it the other night and it looked really good, but I want to start it from the beginning. The first season DVD set is $50!!!! My Presbyterian instincts turned that sucker down flat out! That's a tank of gas for God's sake! Does anyone have this DVD series that I can borrow? I think I'll go start my new book while I eagerly await your response!